It’s been 4 months since graduating and 4 months since I gave birth, It ain’t all bad but it ain’t all good either. For months I have been searching high and low for a job related to my degree, I’ve put in over 50 job applications, and I’ve gone on multiple job interviews. After a while I began to question myself after being turned down and rejected soo many times. I always told myself that I wouldn’t be one to graduate and not have a job waiting on me, but here I am with nothing. I guess you can say I had a big ego, until reality slapped me right in the face.
I thought I had it all planned out, I would graduate be a stay at home mom for a few months, and be working in my field until going to law school. But those plans went to shit quick. I can’t afford to hash out $190 to take the test required to get into law school, I’m still jobless (I nanny part time, but that doesn’t make me very much money) and at this point I feel completely hopeless. Every single day I put in job applications hoping for a breakthrough. Some would say “you knew what you were getting yourself into” but I honestly didn’t, like I said I thought I had it all planned out. Here I am at this road block in my life, and I don’t know what to do, but keep praying, and remind myself that my situation is temporary. I am blessed enough to have a man that took on the heavy load, but that forces him to not be able to enjoy his money. I want to be able to meet him half way, and for months I haven’t been able to, somethings got to give. I have been working soo hard to put myself and my family in a better position. I plan to have my business launched by the new year, and by the grace of god I hope to have a job in my field as soon as possible. As for law school I’m not really sure when I’m going to be able to start due to finances, and having a small child. For now I’m going to continue to trust in the lords process, and keep pushing to be the best I can be. I want to extend a special thanks to Kalea, because you have been an amazing sister and friend. The help and support to have given me is greatly appreciated.
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I have always been a bigger girl, the smallest I ever weighed in my teenage/adult life was around 175. I would look at other girls and wish to be their size, or wish to have something they have that I don’t, i.e a bigger butt or smaller breasts. For years I was soo insecure about my weight, there were times where I would walk sideways when passing a guy, just because I didn’t want him looking at my butt and teasing me about it. I had put it in my head that I was supposed to look a certain way in order to be accepted. This eventually grew to me not wanting to take full body pictures, to me not wanting to take pictures at all.
My senior year of high school is when my weight really took a huge leap from the 170s to the 200s. I felt completely disgusting, I didn’t even recognize who I was. I got to a point where I would not even look at myself naked. This was a time in my life where I fell victim to depression, and to cope I ate more and more which led to excessive weight gain. Once I went off to college I told myself I have to get healthier, so everyday my roommate and I would go to the gym. It wasn’t long before I gave up on the gym, because I wasn’t seeing the results I wanted and became discouraged, so the weight gain continued. Fast forward to my sophomore year. I was the biggest I have ever been, weighing 242 pounds, again I started working out and even incorporated a healthier diet. It wasn’t long before that ended, and I returned back to a unhealthy lifestyle. Over and over again I would do this, until one day I told myself to be comfortable in the body I’m in. God gave me this body and I am going to wear it unashamedly. Once I put this in my head things started to change for me, I was happier now that I could except my body, I started loosing weight without even trying, and I started taking more pictures. From my constant struggle with my weight I learned to stop comparing myself to others, 1. Because there are girls smaller than me that would like to be bigger or have bigger breasts and a smaller butt. And 2. Because beautiful women come in all shapes and sizes, and it’s not a crime to be bigger nor smaller. To anyone that has struggled with excepting their body, remember that you are beautiful, and whatever body god gives you wear that sucker like its your favorite outfit. Stay fierce and stay fabulous. When you were a child you were expected to bring home good grades, and if you didn’t there were consequences right? Were you ever asked why you’re struggling with your grades? Were you offered help? Did your parents talk to your teacher to see if she can do more? Or did you just receive your punishment while continuing to make poor grades? This is the case for many African American children, parents making their children sit at the table for hours staring into a paper they need help with, and then wonder why their grades are poor. Here’s what you can do to break this cycle;
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